Safe With Me, Part 8 (The End) Page 5

  It took my eyes a second to adjust enough to see Jacinda's hands in the air, waving. The two empty chairs at her table appeared to be the only seats left in the whole place. Dan and I walked over and sat down. As she was introducing me to Evan, the guy to her left — whom she'd obviously just met tonight — I caught a glimpse of Tyler out of the corner of my eye, sitting at a nearby table. As usual, he turned away as soon as he caught me looking. He immediately started to laugh with his roommates, Michael, and the pretty blond stranger cozying up to Joe.

  I angled my chair so I couldn't see his face as I struggled to have a normal conversation. I felt more alone in that crowded room than I did by myself on my couch. After a few minutes, Michael pulled up a chair and talked to us, but the conversation was brief. He soon went back over to the table where Tyler sat. Caleb gave me a nod from the bar when I glanced around the room once, but otherwise, his roommates completely ignored me. At least Jacinda was her usual bubbly self, but she mostly flirted with Evan. The karaoke singing in the corner had become background noise to me. Once in a while there would be catcalls or cheering from the crowd, or an off-key melody that was mildly amusing, but otherwise it was uninteresting.

  As Jacinda was laughing at some comment Evan made that was too quiet for me to hear, I tugged on Dan's shirt sleeve and loudly whispered, "Why'd you talk me into this? I wanna go home. This sucks."

  He nodded. "Give it another half hour. We just got here."

  I rolled my eyes and picked up my weak strawberry daiquiri to take a drink. Just as the frozen liquid hit my stomach, I heard a familiar voice that drew my eyes to the karaoke corner for the first time in a while.

  "How y'all doin' tonight?"

  It was Tyler — tall, drunk, and sexy — holding the microphone like a rock star.

  The drink in my stomach almost came back up immediately.

  I pulled on Dan's shirt once again. "Please, can we go now?"

  His eyes were sympathetic. "He might say something if he sees you get up." He shook his head. "I promise, you don't want that."

  A group of giggly drunk girls started cheering, just like they had for all the other hot guys on that tiny stage. Tyler smiled and waved at them, his roommates shouting, provoking him to flirt. That made my stomach hurt even more.

  The music started to play as Tyler said, "This is for a girl here tonight. She knows who she is."

  Heat rushed to my cheeks. The song was 'She Hates Me' by Puddle of Mudd. There were more humiliating songs he could've chosen, but it was still enough to make me cringe as I thought about the lyrics. I forced myself not to look at him.

  Jacinda laughed, then winced when she saw me. "Sorry, Sue." She turned to Evan and pointed at Tyler, explaining the situation.

  Dan leaned down to my ear. "He's just drunk. I've heard him sing this before." He kept trying to make me feel better, but all I could hear was Tyler's voice and the commotion from his table.

  I had a feeling his idiot roommates probably put him up to it for their own amusement but there was nothing remotely funny about it to me. My sweet memories of other times I'd heard him sing would be forever marred by this boneheaded display. He sounded so dorky and pathetic to me, like he just wanted attention no matter how he got it. The stupid giggly drunk girls swooned, shouting louder than they had all night.

  Jacinda smiled at me. "He sings with a lot of feeling, huh?"

  I glared back at her, but she started laughing and flirting with Evan again.

  The song was probably half over when I decided it might help if I just watched it like everyone else. Maybe seeing him be a complete jackass would help me get over things.

  Oh…but no. It made me miss him. It also proved to me how much better a guy's voice could sound if he had long dark hair and was drunk enough to perform with confidence, no matter how tiny the stage. He sang with passion and meaning, even if he didn't exactly hit all the right notes. There was no strutting like the first time I witnessed his drunk performance. He stayed in place, his eyes closed. Occasionally he'd put his hand against his stomach, just barely dancing, inching up his black T-shirt as he moved — a sure sign of his high level of intoxication; the Tyler I knew was secretly self-conscious of the weight he professed to have gained since he came to college. Up on that stage, he was all swagger. The screaming women only fueled his fire. He opened his eyes a few times toward the end, smiling at them as he sang.

  The song was just about over when I told Dan I had to go home and I'd walk if he wouldn't take me. He nodded, then we both stood up, waving goodbye to Jacinda and Evan.

  I followed Dan to the exit. On our way, amidst drunken applause for the end of Tyler's song, Dan's head turned sharply to look at someone. He waved, but didn't stop walking. I turned to see Joan and Kate, both perched at stools at the end of the crowded bar. I thought about waving but decided a better use of my time was to simply ignore them. Joan rarely called anymore unless she wanted to whine about Michael. The less I knew about that situation, the better. Since she wasn't sitting with him, it was apparent things weren't good.

  Dan reached for his cigarettes as soon as our shoes hit the sidewalk. "Sorry 'bout what happened in there. I really do think it'll get easier."

  "Whatever. I just wanna go home."

  We spoke few words on the way back to my house. Dan started to open his mouth to talk several times, but stopped. He was always good at sensing when I needed quiet. I didn't want to rehash the night's events. I just wanted to go home and go to bed early. Hopefully the next morning, Tyler's song and the sound of those stupid screaming girls would be far from my thoughts.

  Dan dropped me off and said he was heading back to Maxwell's. I responded with one single laugh. He was sure to have a better time there without me. As I walked inside my house, I thought, why couldn't I have fallen in love with Dan instead of Tyler? It would've been so easy. We were a perfect fit in so many ways. But I never had the thoughts about Dan that I had about Tyler. The unbearable silence filling every inch of both my house and my life was due to Tyler's absence, not Dan's.

  I went straight to my bedroom where I put on my most comfortable little cotton nightgown and slid under the covers to go to sleep. This was always the most soothing part of my day, when I curled up in soft clothes under soft sheets for a whole five seconds until I remembered how empty I was. Tonight, my sheets were clean and lightly scented from vanilla fabric softener. Rosita changed them that morning. It was a task I'd always requested she not do but she never listened to me. As usual, I was grateful for her stubbornness. I closed my eyes to let the luxurious feeling draw me into a peaceful slumber.

  Until I heard noise at the front door. An angry fist, pounding, jarring the old rusty hinges.

  I lay there for a second, my eyes wide open, too nervous to roll over and turn on the light beside my bed. Why did I always forget to activate my security alarm?

  After a little while, the pounding stopped. I breathed easy…until it started again, stronger than before.

  Who the hell was it? I sat up and shifted my legs to the side of the bed as I listened for a voice. Any voice. Something to tell me who was violently beating my front door just as I was drifting off to sleep. My alarm clock said it was eleven-sixteen. My friends were probably still at Maxwell's. Was it Troy?

  When the furious blows against my door became heavier, I got out of bed, grabbed my phone from the nightstand, and headed downstairs. My first stop was the kitchen. There was just enough light filtering in through the window to let me find my pepper spray in the utility drawer. My tentative plan was not to call the cops until I saw who it was. The pepper spray was in case the person broke in.

  I tiptoed in the dark to the front door. The clamor echoed through the living room like the house was about to fall down. With my phone in one hand and the pepper spray in the other, I pushed my face toward the rattling door to peer through the peephole.

  Shit! Tyler?

  I was so startled, I almost dropped my phone. He was the last person I exp
ected to see. Was I relieved? Panicked? Overjoyed? Whatever feeling it was, it forced me to stop thinking and put my phone down on the table to free my hand so I could open the door.

  And suddenly, there he was. Leaning against my door frame with his fist raised high, the cool night breeze blowing through his hair.

  Tyler brought his fist down to his side when he saw me. “Hey."

  “Hey. You scared the shit outta me. I was in bed." My racing pulse quickened as his eyes immediately went up and down my body.

  “You gonna let me in? I like that little nightie."

  "What do you want? How'd you get here? You're drunk."

  "Don't you worry about that." Smiling, he shoved his way inside, quickly closing and locking the door behind him. He then turned around and stared down at me with a look I really missed — that I'm-gonna-rip-you-apart look he'd give me right before dragging me off to the bedroom. But his expression quickly changed — his eyes widened when he saw my hand. “Fuck! You gonna spray me?"

  “Oh shit!” I ran to the kitchen to put my pepper spray inside the drawer, then rushed back out.

  He blocked my path with his hulking body, stopping me just inside the living room. “I didn't know you had pepper spray."

  “I'm supposed to protect myself, right?”

  “Uh-huh. Glad you didn't use it." He stepped forward, forcing my back to the wall. "So, why'd you leave the bar so fast? I thought you liked to hear me sing.”

  “Not tonight. But it sounded like you had yourself a little fan club. Shouldn't you be back at the bar signing autographs or flirting with groupies or something?”

  "Groupies?" His face became sullen as he stared down at me, silent and thoughtful. After a moment he laid his palm gently against my cheek. “I love you, Susie.”

  I tried to ignore the heat coursing through my body from his touch. “You're so drunk.”

  “So?" One side of his mouth formed a playful grin.

  The smell of beer on a man's breath usually repulsed me outside of a dance floor but there was nothing even slightly repulsive about Tyler. His cologne fought for domination with his beer breath, bringing back too many recent memories I'd tried so hard to forget. I remembered standing right there in that same spot months earlier, receiving an unexpected kiss from him the day after we met. There was nothing holding me back that day; I had to have more of him. Little did I know I was deeply falling in love.

  Inside, I screamed at myself. Why'd you open that fucking door? Call a cab and send him home!

  Tyler licked his lips, then traced his fingers down my neck and across my collarbone. His gaze was set on my eyes. Light from the full moon outside cast a warm glow around him, making him appear sort of angelic.

  Somewhere in the depths of my mind was the tiniest spark of fear. I was trapped between the wall and his body, but it only made me ache for him to throw me down on the couch. Usually, I could list a thousand reasons why we'd never work out, but those reasons were shoved aside by his scent…his touch…the way he studied me…

  His hand slid up to my jaw where he ran his thumb across my bottom lip. Without thinking, I parted my lips and took it inside my mouth.

  He responded with a sharp moan. I instantly knew I should've kept my lips shut.

  It felt right to be near him again. To be at his mercy. He'd obviously chosen to be gentle with me tonight, but I knew the powerful force that body was capable of. If he was drunk enough to perform at the bar less than an hour earlier, should I try to find out what other uninhibited behavior he might exhibit? Should I just live in the moment?

  “Why are you smiling?” he asked.

  I pushed against his thumb with my tongue and backed my head away. “It's nothing.”

  “It's never nothing with you, baby girl.” Tyler leaned forward, pressing his erection against my stomach. His hands moved to the back of my neck, his thumbs under my jaw, turning my face up to his. “Don't fight me anymore.”

  I could only stare up in his eyes and hope I didn't cry.

  His voice was raspy and gentle. “I'm so in love with you.”

  Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry…

  “Please,” he said. “I'll do anything. Tell me what I have to do.”

  Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry…

  “Come on, talk to me,” he said. “Why are you always fighting it? I can see it.” He let go of me stepped back, his mouth hanging open. “I can fucking see it!”

  “See what?”

  “I can see it! You're forcing yourself to just stand there and look at me. No reaction.” He waved his hand in front of his face. “Blank. Nothing.”

  I pressed my lips together, trying to will the tears away.

  “Come on!” Tyler yelled. "I can't hurt like this anymore! We're both hurting. It's bullshit. You know we belong together!”

  Tears ran down my cheeks when I blinked. I wiped them away before they got very far.

  Tyler threw his hands up in the air. “Fucking silence.” He half-chuckled, shaking his head. “That's fine. I can read your mind tonight, baby girl. You want me as much as I want you. I've told you before, you can't run me off. I,” he brought his fist to his chest, “love you. You'll never be able to change that.” He lifted his arms straight out to his sides, his hands high in the air. “I love you! I fucking love you!"

  Foolishly, I chose to argue with Drunk Tyler, summoning just enough anger to keep myself from crying. “You can't know that. You only knew me for three months."

  Tyler looked up at the ceiling and growled like a wild animal, then turned away from me and pressed his hands against his forehead.

  I stood perfectly still, afraid of what might happen next.

  He gritted his teeth as he turned around to face me, flipping his hair onto his back. “Don't you start that shit with me tonight. I've had it.”

  I sucked on my bottom lip and looked down at the floor.

  Tyler walked forward, stopping in front of me. He put his hand under my chin, forcing my face up to his. He spoke slowly, carefully pronouncing each word. “I don't care if it's been three months, or three days, or three hours, or three hundred fucking years. I’m in love with you.”

  His honesty broke my heart all over again.

  I opened my mouth, trying to form a word, any word, when suddenly, his lips were on mine…and there was nothing more to think about. His hands slid down my back as his ravenous tongue forged inside my mouth. Oh God, how I missed that tongue…and those arms, those hands. His long stray hairs gently tickling my neck as I remembered how wonderful it felt to surrender to him.

  I wanted to put my arms around him but I couldn't. He pinned me against the wall in a tight embrace, my arms straight down at my sides. The kiss started out rough but became gentler as the seconds passed. And still, I was pinned there, forced to yield to his pace, his rhythm. His desires. I was ready to give him whatever he wanted. Live for tonight and try not to think about the future.

  It was so disappointing when he pulled away. I kept my eyes closed, hoping his mouth would come back, but it didn't.

  Instead, I felt his breath in my ear. He let out a deep moan, then a yawn, then he whispered, "I'm so tired."

  Tired of what? Of me? Of kissing? Of me pushing him away?

  No. In my dazed state, it took a little while to register that perhaps he was just physically tired. With his arm around my shoulders he pulled me around the corner to the downstairs bedroom.

  I didn't try to rebel. I just floated along beside him in euphoric silence.

  He stumbled a little as he looked for the bed in the darkness. With his arm still around me, he bent forward just enough to turn down the covers. "Get in."

  I swallowed. His tone was mild, but it somehow sounded like a command. My heart raced as I crawled under those covers, which were thankfully just as luxurious and fragrant as the ones upstairs.

  He pulled the covers over me. A moment later, I heard his shoes drop on the floor like he was kicking them off. "I'm gonna go to the bathroom. Don'
t even think about going anywhere."

  Instead of turning on a light, he took his phone out of his pocket and hit a button to illuminate his path.

  I stayed there with no idea what to expect, my muscles tight with a mixture of emotions I would probably never understand. It just felt so damn good to be with him again; surrender was my only choice. What else could I do? Call the police to get rid of the beautiful drunk man who pounded on my front door until I opened it? I'd called the police for much less. But I didn't want to get rid of him. I wanted a respite from my bleak existence, at least for the night. It would still be there waiting for me when he was long gone. I closed my eyes and hollowed into the mattress, trying not to let myself think about it.